Everyone has been gripped by jealousy at one time or another, whether it’s because your friends have money and you don’t, or you aren’t the size you want to be but she is, or because your partner’s coworker looks like an Abercrombie & Fitch model. Jealousy is a perfectly normal emotion but it can sometimes lead to intense feelings of anxiousness, agitation, fear of rejection, and self-depreciation. Those sure aren’t healthy, so let’s get rid of jealousy.
What is Jealousy?
Jealousy is a feeling of angry, agitated worry. Although jealousy is a totally normal feeling to have as a human, there are times when those feelings can get out of control and ruin relationships. If you feel as if you cannot control your emotions and actions concerning jealousy you may have what is called pathological or morbid jealousy. Morbid jealousy is characterized by feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and intense paranoia. People who experience morbid jealousy tend to have intense suspicions and look for any sign that their suspicions might be true…at times misinterpreting the most common things as confirmation.
If you are dealing with pathological or morbid jealousy you may want to seek professional counseling. A counselor will be better able to help you identify the reasons you are jealous and in some cases, why or when that intense jealousy came into your life. Morbid jealousy is a self-fulling prophecy. If you are jealous of how your partner spends their time or are constantly paranoid that they are cheating on you, chances are you’ll alienate them and push them so far away that they will leave you. Get help before you reach the point of alienating friends, family, and partners.
Best Ways to Deal with Jealousy
Learn to recognize the feeling of jealousy. I know this may sound like major “duh” step, but identifying jealousy is not always an easy thing to do. Learn to recognize that jealousy is a feeling of angry, agitated worry with a side order of feeling inadequate and suspicious. That specific combo of feelings can be devastating to your psyche. When the feeling comes on, take a moment and breathe. Recognize that you are feeling jealous and decide not to act on it or let it dominate your feelings. Breathe out and imagine that the jealous feeling is attached to your breath and is leaving your body on the exhale.
Figure out what you are jealous about. Why exactly do you feel jealous when your partner goes out with their friends? Is it a feeling of inadequacy? Do you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to others and thinking if only I could be more like them then I would be happy? What is the exact thing you are jealous of? It may be that you hope your partner still wants to be with you. It may be that you feel like you should be further along in life than you are. It may be that you want the body you don’t have. The sooner you figure out exactly why you are jealous the faster you can do something about it.
Learn from the person you are jealous of. Ask that friend with the amazing body what they do to keep it that way. Ask your coworker how they got that promotion. Ask a writer you look up to how they got their first piece published. You’ll never know until you ask. The sooner you ask or learn, the sooner you can have success and overcome your jealousy.
Do your best. Let’s face it, we don’t always do our best and that can leave us with feelings of regret and jealousy toward others. Want to lose ten pounds or write that novel? Don’t make anymore excuses why you can’t and just do it. Do your best at getting what you want and fulfilling your dreams and at the end of the day you’ll feel happier, more confident, and have less jealousy toward others.
Celebrate who you are. I want you to name the kind of person you would want to have as a friend or partner. Chances are you named a lot of qualities that you already possess. Now I want you to list all of the things that you like about yourself including looks, personality traits, ethics, and achievements. Next time feelings of jealousy come crawling up from the deep trenches of negativity, I want you to remember that list and celebrate everything that you are, you’d be surprised that others celebrate you too!