There are a lot of reasons to get a divorce. You’re miserably unhappy. He’s cheating on you. You’re cheating on him. He gambles or drinks or does drugs. He just doesn’t like you anymore. You just don’t like him anymore. Also, you have this strange urge to squeeze raw chicken juice into his food so that he slowly and agonizingly dies of Salmonella poisoning. Or you’ve seen him hefting an axe while looking at you thoughtfully. That’s a pretty decent indication that divorce should be a consideration on your life radar, just be sure to do things legally to make things easier for both of you.
But there are a lot of reasons to stay married. Maybe you can salvage what there once was. Maybe the lifestyle or the money is too good. Maybe your religion doesn’t approve or even allow divorce. Maybe you want to stay together for the kids or for the sake of the cats. Who knows? And divorcing him can be a long, painful, expensive, and heartbreaking experience. But it’s cheaper and quicker than a murder trial. And there are possibly less moral complications. Really, you should consider divorce first. It’s going to be long, miserable, and hurtful, but at least it’s legal.
On Domestic Violence
Domestic violence, physical or emotional abuse, is not acceptable in any situation. Do not try to “wait it out” or see if it gets better on its own. You should contact a third party immediately, such as the police, a social worker, or a shelter for abused women. The safest way to leave an abusive relationship is to do it with outside, professional help. Do it immediately.
Best Ways to Get Rid of a Husband
Before you get rid of your husband, take time to think.
While, yes, you may be really mad that you caught him drinking again, or gambling, or cheating, divorce is still a really huge step. Its effects will reach throughout your life, your husband’s life, your family, your children, your co-workers, and those you practice your religion with. Even your pets, like Simon the Kitty and Reese your Great Dane, would face a hard adjustment to a new life. Divorce can be long, hard, emotionally agonizing, and expensive, and it will affect you for the rest of your life. That may end up being a good thing. But it’s something you need to decide on and fully commit to before you start to rip your life apart from your husband.
Go to a counselor to discuss the possibility of divorce.
Consulting a third party—a professionally trained third party, I might add—will help curb problems before they start. Try a family and marriage counselor. Try your religious leader, if you prefer. Or you can even try a personal counselor or therapist. Outside help will assist you in sorting out your issues as they come up. It might even be a way to stop your divorce from happening. But even if you both and your husband decide to go through with divorce, counseling will help you both to remain on civil terms. And from there you can sort out potential disputes over money or childcare or the division of assets that will need to be hashed out anyway. It’s better to do it together than to pay money for lawyers to drag it out later.
Have a trial separation before you get a divorce.
This is exactly what it sounds like. A trial separation is where you and your husband live separately. Divorce laws and paperwork usually aren’t involved at this point, as it’s just a chance to see what living life separately from your spouse is like. The two of you can agree privately on the arrangement and take the time to decide whether or not divorce is the right step. From here, you and your husband can choose to reconcile and move back in together, or you two can decide to continue with the divorce. Either way, it’s a good taste of what divorcee life can be like after the waters have calmed.
Get a legal separation.
This is also exactly what it sounds like. In a legal separation, the court draws up documentation to confirm that a married couple is living separately. However, the marriage is still recognized as valid. Again, the laws of marriage and divorce are different from state to state and situation to situation. But this still isn’t a legal divorce. Some places require a period of legal separation before a divorce can proceed, and others don’t. But whether your marriage is headed for reconciliation or eventual divorce, this is a good time to prep yourself and get a taste of the changes, legal and lifestyle-wise, that a divorce will bring to you and your family. To help with this step, you may want to check out “Your Divorce Advisor”, a book of advice from a lawyer.
Get a divorce lawyer.
While there is still time to go back at this point, this is the most conclusive step if you want to get rid of your husband. Your divorce lawyer will help you to draw up divorce papers, begin the division of assets, and sort out who gets the cat, who gets the dog, and how often you get to see your own children. The legal details vary from state to state, differ from couple to couple, and there are many different factors that will affect what will happen at this point. It won’t be easy or pleasant. But by this point, you should have already decided what is the best thing to do for yourself and for your family.
The Aftermath of Getting Rid of a Husband
America is the land of the divorce, with one of the highest divorce rates in the world. It’s so common, in fact, that fifty percent or so of recent American marriages end in divorce. Take that information and do with it what you will. But there’s no lie in saying that divorce is hard. People facing the end of a marriage often become enraged, frustrated, depressed, withdrawn, or otherwise struggle with their emotions. Everyone’s personal problems seem to come out full force: drinking, gambling, sex addiction, eating disorders, abuse, self-mutilation, and every other personal demon that you or they may have. So, if you’re planning to get rid of a husband, keep in mind that it won’t be a quick and easy indulgence of your new infatuation with the busboy you met at the sushi restaurant. But only you can decide if it’s worth it.
Not all counseling is intended to save your marriage. Even if separation and divorce are things both you and your husband want, a marriage and family counselor can help sort through some of the nastier feelings that come up during a divorce. Confronting emotions with professional mediation may help prevent divorce-related stabbings.
Divorce not only affects you and your husband, but those around you. Consult with your religious leader to see if perhaps he or she can help save your marriage. Or, if divorce is inevitable, your religious leader can help map out how your religious beliefs will shape your divorce. He or she may also be able to support you in a difficult time. On the flip side, religious books like “Christian Chick’s Guide to Surviving Divorce” may help you out better.
Each state has its own laws concerning divorce. A lawyer is your best bet for legal help. You need to not only know your rights, but your responsibilities as well. Find a lawyer that specializes in family law, or a divorce lawyer. He or she can best inform you of your least horrific divorce options.