Aside from being one of the various names of that girl at the strip club, a cookie is nothing more than a little text file that is saved on your computer. They're not spyware, they're not adware, they're not viruses, and they're not scary. They're just little bits of information that get bounced back and forth between your computer and the server of the website that you are visiting. Internet cookies authenticate sessions and contain mundane little details like remembered names and passwords for different websites and things like what's in your shopping cart at Adam & Eve. For the most part, they make playing on the computer faster and easier. Admit it—it's nice to not always have to type in your name and password for every damn site you have an account with. And, actually, they take up very little space. Consider that before getting rid of cookies.
All that being said, there are some good reasons to get rid of cookies. Let's start with that Adam & Eve thing. If you were to visit that site, anybody who went on that computer after you could figure out where you've been and what you've been looking at just by checking out the computer cookies. Yes, it's a pretty blatant invasion of privacy. But try telling that to your nosy 15 year old. So, yeah, sometimes you look at things you may not want others to see. Worse than that, however, is the fact that Internet cookies can be intercepted during transference between computers. This could potentially allow the wrong people to get a hold of personal information. It's for these reasons that I would recommend you get rid of computer cookies. If you have more than one browser on your computer (I have 4), make sure you do it for all of them. If there is more than one account, do it for all of them. In this article, I will go over how to get rid of cookies in five of the most commonly used web browsers. If I missed the browser that you are using, read on anyway. The method is very similar for every browser I've run across, and you'll at least get an idea of where to start looking.
How to Delete Cookies
Internet Explorer. At the top left of the screen, click on “Tools,” scroll to the bottom, and click on “Internet Options.” In the center of the “General” tab is a section called “Temporary Internet Files.” Click “Delete Cookies,” click “OK,” and you're done. While you're at it, just to clean things up a little more, you might as well click, in that same section, “Delete Files.” A box will then pop up. Click to check “Delete all offline content” and click OK. All done.
Mozilla Firefox. This method of getting rid of cookies is very similar to that of Internet Explorer. At the top left click on “Tools.” Scroll down to “Options” and give it a click. Click the “Privacy” icon at the top of the new window. In the bottom section labeled “Private Data,” click the “Clear Now” button, and a new little box will pop up. In the new box, make sure there is a check mark next to “Cookies,” and then click the “Clear Private Data Now” button. Done.
Google Chrome. Hate to say it, but this one's pretty easy too. Open Chrome and look at the top right of the screen. Find and click on the little wrench icon. Click on “Clear browsing data,” and make sure “Delete cookies” has a check mark next to it. Now look for the little drop-down menu that follows “Clear data from this period,” and choose your period. I would recommend that you choose “Everything.” If, however, you don't want to be too obvious about hiding your porno addiction, choose one of the others.
Opera. Opera is the fourth browser I have on my computer, and it's just as easy to get rid of cookies on this one as it is on the three above. After opening Opera, click on the “Tools” tab up at the top, and click on “Delete Private Data.” At the bottom of the window that pops up, you will see a little blue triangle followed by the words “Detailed Options.” Click those words, and make sure “Delete all cookies” has a check by it. Finally, click the “Delete” button at the bottom, and you'll be done.
Safari. Alright. I am now the proud owner of yet another browser. I figured I should download it and play with it for awhile before writing this section. Turns out deleting cookies on Safari is also pretty damn easy. At the top right corner of the screen, you'll see a sprocket. Click it. Then click “Preferences.” Click the “Security” icon at the top of the new window that pops up, and click on the “Show Cookies” button. Click the “Remove All” button. A new window will then pop up asking you if you are sure. Click the new “Remove All” button, and carry on.Not Those Cookies . . . THOSE Cookies.
On the off chance that I completely missed the mark and all you really wanted to do was get rid of cookies of the edible variety, never fear. This is a topic on which I've given mucho contemplationo. While I'm certain if you tried really hard, you could come up with a few ideas on how to get rid of cookies all by yourself, I don't want to be the one responsible for causing you to have an aneurysm. And so, here are my top five favorite ways to get rid of cookies:
1)Breakfast soup for Grandma. Take those old cookies and soak them in a bowl of water in the fridge overnight. When morning comes, grab a spoon and mix it all together until an even consistency is reached. It may not appeal to you, but just give Granny a straw, and she'll give you a nice toothless smile in return.
2)Slingshot ammo. Believe it or not, small animals would much rather get pelted with a high velocity cookie than a high velocity chunk of steel. It gives them more of a sporting chance. Plus, after you've gone off in hunt of another poor unsuspecting critter, they can return for a little comfort food after their wounds have healed.
3)Crumble and snort. This works best if the cookies in question don't have any sort of cream filling. Simply grab that empty plastic baggy that your weed came in, place the cookies in it, and gently smash them with a rubber mallet. Once the cookies have become dust, dump it onto a mirror or a piece of glass, cut it into lines and prepare for the best sugar high of your life.
4)Velocity testing devices. When getting rid of cookies, why not do something to benefit mankind? Stand atop a tall building and drop your cookies one by one over the edge and measure the change in velocity of each cookie. If gravity is working as it should, those falling cookies will increase speed by 9.8 meters per second squared. If you measure any sort of deviation, start shouting warnings of impending doom from the rooftop. Everyone will thank you.
5)Give 'em to me. If you absolutely can't find a suitable way to get rid of cookies, I will suck it up and take them off your hands for you. All you need do is contact me via email. I will quickly (yet grudgingly) send you my mailing address. Upon the arrival of the cookies, I will do everything in my power to devour every last one of them.
