So it’s time to put old Eustace out to pasture. He’s just not cutting it boyfriend-wise. But looking across the bed at his dear, sleeping face, those beautiful dark eyelashes, and those lips you’ve kissed so much, you can’t seem to break his heart. But then you notice that he’s drooling onto your 700-count Egyptian cotton sheets. And he isn’t wearing boxers, so he keeps rubbing his bare buttcheeks against you when he sleeps. And then you found his secret MySpace account that had him listed as single and looking.
It’s not easy to get rid of a boyfriend. Chances are he is the person you’re the most intimate with, spend the most time with, talk the most with. And as time went by, you developed so many habits around him that you can barely imagine life without him. Yeah, it’s not easy. Even if he’s a jerk and completely deserves it. So, just break the breakup into smaller bites and take them one by one. Before you know it, Eustace She’s-Just-A-Friend-Don’t-Worry-About-It-Sweetie will be packed up and out, and you’ll have a chance to check out what Antonio Who-Plays-Guitar-And-Has-A-Six-Pack has to offer.
Getting rid of a boyfriend
Decide. That may sound weird, but trust me, it’s much more difficult to get rid of a boyfriend if you aren’t 100% about it. Breakups shouldn’t be knee-jerk reactions to fights, leverage used in fights, or just something you threw out on the table because you were bored and looking for a change. You need time to think about why you would want to get rid of this boyfriend, or why you wouldn’t. Maybe your boyfriend cheated. Maybe you cheated. Maybe he has a drug problem. Or maybe you just haven’t spent much time together. Whatever the reason(s), you need to stand behind it and believe that you’re doing the right thing before you commit to making such a potentially life-altering decision. If you can work it out, then try, and turn away from this article immediately. If not, please, continue reading.
Be Honest. Don’t be an ass. Don’t make excuses or assumptions. They only cloud the real reason that you want to get rid of your boyfriend. And if you give him an excuse, he’ll either never know what really went wrong, or he’ll try and argue the excuse. Neither one helps. Give him the real reasons. “You’re a bum” or “You slept with my sister” are real, solid reasons. If you lie and tell him it’s because you don’t like his best friend, and he gets rid of his best friend for you, you’ve done nothing but complicate an already complicated situation. When your mother said, “Honesty is the best policy,” she was right. It’s kindest in the long run.
Set Ground Rules. Before the shock has worn off and turned into long-term, bitter resentment, decide who gets what: friends, furniture, CDs, the skiing club, your favorite bar, the snowman-shaped mugs you bought together, those 700-count Egyptian cotton sheets, and Simon the kitty. If you don’t figure these things out right away, they can quickly become power plays, points of manipulation, or excuses to stay in contact when there otherwise is no good reason to open a dialogue. Make the rules fair, clear, and easy to stick to. The sooner, the better.
Cut Contact. After all is said and done, cutting off contact is the best way to get rid of a boyfriend. He might call you when you’re in the bathtub and tell you that he misses you and he’s thinking of how your eyes sparkle. Or you may call him late at night and tell him you miss waking up next to him. But that certainly won’t help you dump your boyfriend. Nor will it really help you to get your boyfriend back, if that’s what you really want. If you don’t want your boyfriend back, then you’re avoiding facing the truth. Keep any necessary contact, such as Simon the kitty visitations, as brief and perfunctory as possible. Give yourself some time to heal up.
Stay firm. Once you’ve managed to break up with your boyfriend, you may struggle to stay that way. Late at night, staring up at the ceiling, you may wonder if you made the right choice. Maybe he really will get a job soon. Maybe he really can quit those drugs and stop gambling and drinking. Maybe he really didn’t sleep with your sister. That’s just doubt. Trust yourself. If you put the time into deciding whether or not to dump your boyfriend, then chances are you made the right decision. Now you need to take the time to let the habits you built up around him fade away and for new habits to form. With enough time, the pain will distance some and you’ll know if you made the right decision to get rid of your boyfriend or not.Tips to Keep Your Boyfriend Gone
Oh, how easy it is to get back into those old habits after a week of lying on the couch and crying. What a temptation to call and hear his voice again after feeling so alone. But a week-long, or month-long, or six-month-long breakup won’t cure the problems of a relationship. There is a point when that relationship is dead, never to be resurrected. You just need to make it through the hump, the dead-zone. Just keep reminding yourself of why you decided to break up with your boyfriend in the first place. Keep your friends on “security alert” to make sure you’re sticking to the ground rules. And then try to have some fun. Or at least buy some really cute shoes. My knee-high, faux snakeskin stiletto boots have lasted a lot longer than the boyfriend I broke up with to get them.
